Conflicted

Remember a month ago when I was all Bitter? Well..........

My mom called me last Friday and said Nikki's Dr couldn't find the baby's heartbeat, so she was going to go for an ultrasound on Monday or Tuesday (why not right away, I have no idea).

Well, it turned out that the baby passed at week 9, and she should have been at week 11. Nikki was scheduled to have a DNC on Thursday, but she ended up starting to pass it on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning about 3am. My mom went to the hospital with her while she had the procedure done.

Nikki is fine - she had to take 3 days off of work, and for the next 2 or 3 months isn't allowed to pick up anything heavier than 10lbs.

When I heard she had problems, OF COURSE I felt terrible for her. First because I accused her of getting pregnant on purpose (which I still don't know if it was or not), then for telling her I was not and could not be happy for her when she can't even pay her own bills! I would never have wanted her to have a miscarriage, but perhaps it was for the best. I mean, she still can't pay for her own bills, and both her and her boyfriend need to work full time. I know my parents would have had to either a) support them somehow, or b) provide daycare.

I talked to her for a bit last night, and she seemed okay. We're going to try to get together on Thanksgiving, since my mom has to work that day and we're not actually going to have our Thanksgiving dinner until Saturday. Perhaps we can resume our normal sibling relationship now. Only time will tell.

Cranky

I've been rather cranky lately. Maybe it's the lack of quality sleep, or (more likely) it's the lack of quality time with my hubby. *sigh* If only I wasn't tied to this year long contract. ugh.

At least I'm working on leaving this place in a MUCH better state than it was when I first arrived!